Douche of the Day
April 12th 2010 09:19
Douche: Facebook Divorcés & Divorcees
Age: 30-50
Reason for their douchebaggery: Divorced couples are blaming their dissolved marriages on the social-networking site.
A recent article raised this issue of the "divorce boom" and how middle-aged couples who have reconnected with childhood companions through Facebook and have become so high on the craze that all communication between them and the supposed loved one ceases. According to News.com.au, British divorce firm Divorce-Online said Facebook was cited in one-fifth of the divorce petitions it processed last year. How do all the other problems in a marriage come to a head with the click of a mouse button. I suppose getting divorced can be as easy as purchasing something on eBay now.
Being an avid user of Facebook myself, I can speak credibly and logically on this issue. Except for the marriage part. However, I am very close with people who are exactly that - my parents.
Facebook is the one-stop shop for connecting with almost anyone in the world and rekindling old relationships with that once-was-young someone. It's one of the most user-friendly human-family trees out there. Facebook's mantra is connecting one user to another. Nobody can deny its online presence either (to date, there are over 400 million active users sauntering around the four walls of Facebook-land). It's much like a pop-up ad of naked boobs.
Let's now divide our attention towards the subject of marriage. From what I've gathered over the last 21 years of my adult life (I'm 22), my parents' marriage have exerted the following qualitative components throughout their vivacious time together thus far: self-sacrifice, hard work and arguments over which contestant deserves to win cash on "Deal or No Deal."
I believe it's all about give and take. Personally I give a lot more than I should but that's who I am. A giver of love, life and funny.
For F's sake, if you're bored go read something, play with something, find a hobby that's going to keep you from becoming an amoralist tool (or distracted at the very least). If it develops into something serious (to the point where no kind of physical love can stitch it right up), let that person know that it's an issue that has become so serious that it now cuts into your me-time. Then demand something in return for that culprit's wrongdoing. Give her your loving care and take some money to buy an awesome cheeseburger.
Every situation is different and delicate in its own way though. And nobody likes to end a marriage on grim/unfunny terms.
Worst of all, how can you tell your best friends about this afterward? You can't say it was "irreconcilable differences" because that expression is exclusively for legal purposes only and nobody uses "irreconcilable" in everyday conversation (victims who do are copping out and are frankly, a different kind of douche). So how does one salvage their dignity in a situation like this? It could possibly go a little something like this:
A: "Why did you guys divorce?"
B: "She cheated on me."
A: (shocked) "Seriously????? Anyone you know?"
B: "Yeah. You know him too."
A: "No way....who?"
B: "John Citizen."
A: "I don't know a John Citizen."
B: "Well that fool is on that fucking Facebook website. She added him and then they'd been Facebook chatting non-stop ever since. I hate Facebook.
A: (now bemused) "So.......you believe Facebook caused this."
B: "No shit Sherlock."
A: "............"
An awkward silence. Then -
A: "You still have to add me, you know."
B: "Shit, I forgot. I'll add you when I get home."
B: "She cheated on me."
A: (shocked) "Seriously????? Anyone you know?"
B: "Yeah. You know him too."
A: "No way....who?"
B: "John Citizen."
A: "I don't know a John Citizen."
B: "Well that fool is on that fucking Facebook website. She added him and then they'd been Facebook chatting non-stop ever since. I hate Facebook.
A: (now bemused) "So.......you believe Facebook caused this."
B: "No shit Sherlock."
A: "............"
An awkward silence. Then -
A: "You still have to add me, you know."
B: "Shit, I forgot. I'll add you when I get home."
Everyone has issues, I understand that whole-heartedly. It's life. It's also the only way to have solutions. But to throw in the towel and blame it on something (or according to some of these people, the other man/woman) that doesn't physically exist, it is probably one of the most shameful ways to lose in life.
And nobody wants to date a loser.
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